Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave

There's this fine line we walk as mothers. How much truth do we really want our children to know? This may seem like an absurd question. You're thinking-- I want to be completely honest with my kids.
But, really, do you?
Do you want to be the mom who dispells a child's belief in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy? On one hand, you're practically a criminal if you do tell your kids that Santa's not real. Because of course your kid is going to tell all the other kids at recess and then poof!-- all the magic of Christmas is gone. On the other hand, if you choose to lie to your kids about the existence of Mr. C, you know they'll find out eventually. They may conclude that you are a liar. If you'd lie about Santa, what else would you lie to them about? How are they to know what, if any, things you tell them are true.
Do you want to be the mom who glosses over serious issues like abuse, abduction, drugs, etc. because you don't want to frighten your little ones? What if this lie results in the most frightening consequence of all: that your child is put in one of those situations and doesn't know how to handle it? Doesn't know to scream and run, to tell a trusted adult, to just say no? Or is it better to lay the truth of the entire scary world, which is truly full of bad guys that no super hero can stop,  in front of your child so they are prepared for what they will face?
Do you want to be the mom who tells your kids the truth about your imperfections? That in spite of your status as a grown up, you're still afraid of spiders, thunderstorms, earthquakes, airplanes, even the dark? That there are some situations over which you have absolutely no control, that there are some times when nothing you can do will make it all better? Or do you hide that cowardly side of yourself, pretend to be large and in charge-- in order to give your kids a sense of security and peace?
Tonight I am faced with a dilemma. Do I lie to my daughter and tell her everything is going to be okay? Her little best friend is moving 14 hours away and her heart is breaking. Do I tell her it's okay, that we'll see Addie again soon? Do I tell her that soon she's got loads of other friends so she shouldn't be so concerned? Or do I hold her, cry with her, and let her know that sometimes life just sucks? Sometimes bad things happen and there's not a thing you can do about it.
I'm not sure I'm ready for her to know that yet. Not sure that I want another sliver of her innocence to drift away.She's only six after all. And so, once again, I have looked into her trusting blue eyes and told an outright lie.
Sort of. In the long run, things really will be okay. It will be a rough couple weeks, and we'll always miss our friend, but eventually things will be okay. I guess that's the truth I really want her to know anyway-- that when life gets hard she can get through it. I hope she'll trust me on this.

Tired of Looking Like a Mommy?

In my various employment adventures I have been forced to wear a uniform. My high school gig at All-A-Dollar required khaki pants and a white shirt. I worked at Old Navy back when all the staff wore those blue Tshirts with the ON logo on them. When I worked at the wedding video company, I had to wear a dress every.single.day-- in case there was some catastrophe and I had to go help at an actual wedding. (It happened more than once, so it's good I was prepared.) My post-college job as a social worker didn't have a specific dress code, but since I still looked like I was in high school, I always wore professional clothes so I didn't get detention for skipping class when I was on the job.

Then I became a mother. And what, my friends, is the appropriate attire for mothering?

So, for the last six years I have worn jeans and a T shirt pretty much every day. I like to kid myself into thinking I'm going out on a limb if the shirt is striped or has a V neck, but in reality, it's always just jeans and a T shirt. Kind of blah, huh?

A friend of a friend is doing some fashion challenge for the month of November where she picked 30 items in her closet and is just trying to rearrange them into different outfits all month long, not repeating once. I was in shock. I pretty much wear the same thing every day. I resolved to do better, to go out on a limb.

I bought skinny jeans. I tried on leggings, though I couldn't get over how huge they made my feet look so I didn't purchase them. I bought a cool hat. I was on my way to a total transformation-- a real fashionista!

Then I went into DownEast while I was at the mall the other day. I beelined for the clearance section and I found this amazing dress.

Only it was black. It's so pretty, all satin-y and flowy and has that cute flower thing under the chest. Loved it. So, even though it didn't make any sense, I tried it on. And I loved it even more. Isn't it fabulous when you actually like what you see when you try something on? 

Here was the best part

Ten bucks! That's it? For this gorgeous dress that made me feel like a princess? Sold!
There was a moment of debate when the sales lady told me that all clearance are final sales. Cannot return, which I am known to do. I have absolutely nowhere to wear this dress. It would be great if I were going to Homecoming again, but I'm not. It would be great if I were going on a cruise, but I'm not. It would be great if my husband's firm had some swanky holiday party that necessitates a fancy dress, but it doesn't.
And yet. I felt like a princess. Not like a tired, cranky, frumpy, dowdy, been-wearing-Tshirts-for-six-years-and-you-sure-can-tell Mom.
So I bought it. My girls are thrilled, we're going to have a dress up party all together. That got me thinking-- what if all the other mommies I know feel the same way? What if you all  are wishing for some occasion to really dress up? Wasn't part of the fun of high school dances just getting ready? Knowing you were looking a-maz-ing? Feeling the satiny fabric against your skin, hearing the skirt swoosh as you walked? Don't you wish you could do it again?
Well, let's! Let's have a fancy mommy dress up day. We could go out to dinner somewhere nice (or not), or we could just meet at my house and eat chocolate fountain until we pass out. I promise that if you'll ignore my outie bellybutton courtesy of Baby #3 I will ignore your muffin top. Let's just dress up and have fun. You know you want to.

(Seriously, if you want to, leave a comment. I'll plan something)

PS-- The DownEast website has lots of fabulous dresses on clearance right now. In case you *cough* aren't exactly the same size as whatever formal you have lurking in your closet.

Hold on to your children

If you came to my house today, this is what you would see:
 My family room looks like this.

We tore everything apart over the weekend to paint, but still haven't put it back together. Why is it that I decide to do major projects when there's really no time to get them done? Why is it that I have decided that now is the right time to go through everything on my shelves to weed out the irrelevant stuff?

 My sink looks like this. A little bit of dishes from last night, breakfast, and lunch.

My bed looks like this. Like the laundry basket threw up all over it.

Seriously, I wonder if I have cleaning ADD. I seem to be incapable of completing a project before starting a new one.
And so, rather than spew off fabulous mothering advice for the day, I am going to work on cleaning my house. My advice (to myself especially) is that sometimes you've just got to do what needs to be done,even if it's not fun.

Here's a great quote from RosemaryWixom, Primary General President at Oct. 2010 conference:
"Parents, grandparents, neighbors, friends, Primary leaders-- each of us can reach out to hold onto the children. We can stop, kneel down, and look into their eyes and feel of their innate desire to follow the Savior. Take hold of their hands. Walk with them. It is our choice to anchor them on the path of faith."

So, even if your house is a mess, even if you forget to do your hair and make up 75% of the time, even if all you can make for dinner is Captain Crunch.... Hold on to your children. The mess won't last forever, but they will.

Ordinary Miracle

Today my oldest is sick, so we snuggled on the couch watching "Charlotte's Web." Truly, that is one of my favorite stories of all time. I love that it teaches, in such a simple way, the power of friendship in someone's life.
We got to participate in an Ordinary Miracle last night. One of the local high schools was having a fundraiser for one of their students (Adam) who has neurofibromatosis. They have spent the last week doing "Make a Wish Week" where each day they had some sort of activity or fundraiser to raise money for Adam's wish. It all culminated in last night's event, the Salem Gorge.
It's a little bit like Taste of Chicago. Each club in the school prepared some food (brownies, pizza, popcorn, hot dogs, etc.). Families like us bought a pass that allowed us to go from table to table sampling all the goodies. All the money raised went to Adam.
Let me tell you, there was a lot of money raised. The place was packed! Considering the size of the town, it was a miracle. I imagine at least half the population of Salem was there. And I bet almost every student at the school showed up, most wearing T shirts saying "We Love Adam." I overheard someone say that two separate people donate a thousand dollars each.
Wow. What a response. What a demonstration of love and support for this kid. The whole time I was there I was close to tears, thinking to myself how I would feel if I were Adam's mom. It would be devastating to know your child had an incurable disease, but watching your community (especially his peers) go to such great lengths for him..... What an incredible feeling.
And another thing. What a great group of kids those high schoolers are. To plan, organize, and carry out such an extravaganza. I was amazed, and grateful to see that in spite of the bad rap teenagers often get, there's a lot of good they can do too. It gave me hope for the future.
I was happy to share this event with my kids, to talk to them about how good it feels to serve someone else-- even if we don't know the person. If we know we have lifted another's burden in some small way, we know we are following the Savior. That's something I want them to understand.
What Ordinary Miracles have you witnessed lately?

Keep a record

Just before we got married, my husband’s mother presented him with a special gift. It was a journal she had kept of him from the time he was born. It was so precious to read back over the funny things he said and did. It was also wonderful to hear his mom express over and over again how much she loved him and the hopes and dreams she held for him.


We decided to keep up with that tradition with our children. Each one has a journal dedicated just to her and in it we keep a record of their lives. Sometimes the entries are funny “You are the awesomest pottier ever!” or “Today you came to us while we were at Grandma’s and said ‘Daddy, Mommy. Rice goed up my nose.” Sometimes the entries tell of our incredible love for our little ones. Sometimes they record special blessings we have witnessed, as President Eyring advised

Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.

We try to use their journals not only as a sentimental journey but as a place for us to bear testimony to our children. Maybe I’m morbid, but sometimes I think about what my kids would know about me if I were to die. I try to record in their journals, and in my own, the things I want them to remember.

I have 3 little girls, ages 6, 4, and 2. And although I think I will remember exactly what each one was like at a certain age, the reality is that it starts to blur. I am so grateful to have these journals to look back and remember their individual personalities, likes and dislikes, and phrases. For more than a year my little girl would wake me up in the morning by sticking her nose in my face and saying "I want guffast" (breakfast). She doesn't do it any more, but you better believe it's written down so that in my old age I can know it was Kate and not Eve who did that.
Another idea is to write a letter to your child on his birthday each year. Keep them all together and give them to him when he is grown. He will so appreciate the love you express by writing things about the person he is.

Should we not have respect enough to God to make a record of those blessings which He pours out upon us and our official acts which we do in His name upon the face of the earth? I think we should. –Wilford Woodruff

Supplies

Parents can spend hundreds of dollars on toys for their children unnecessarily. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely quality toys out there that are worth the money you spend on them. But you don't need to pay a ton of money just to have a little fun with your kids.
Here are some suggestions to equip your family with the supplies you'll need for many arts and crafts activities:
1. Use what you have. Art can be made with beans, pasta, peas, yarn, old magazines, etc. You can even use seasonal things like fall leaves or spring flowers.
2. Save your junk. You can make so many things out of everyday household items. I keep a box in the closet under my staircase and fill it with empty egg cartons, frosting containers, cereal boxes, ketchup bottles, seasoning shakers, toilet paper and paper towel rolls, etc. Even if you don't have a specific craft in mind, it's better to keep a fun shaped squeeze bottle than to postpone a project till you empty another one.
3. Check out http://www.freecycle.org/. It's a free program where people in your area post things they are getting rid of. I scored a HUGE box of craft supplies from someone who was just cleaning out her closet-- all for free! You can also post items you are looking for under a "wanted" headline. Once I needed a bunch of newspapers to cut up for one of my girl's birthday parties. I posted that I wanted the paper and within 20 minutes I had 4 people offer me some.
4. Buy a lot of supplies in August during Back To School sales. You can never get enough glue, crayons, markers, and watercolors. They are much cheaper just before school than any other time of year.

Thankful to be a Mother

Welcome to the celebration! This month we are going to focus on motherhood. We'll have ideas for activities to do with your kids, thoughts on motherhood, and tips for parenting. We'll even sneak in some hints for dealing with the mundane aspects of motherhood, like housework. Come back daily since there will always be something new! Please share your ideas and thoughts as well-- it will be a like a motherhood discussion board.

Being a mother is (insert adjective here that best describes your state of mind right now). Our children are our greatest joy, as well as our greatest challenge. They can melt our hearts with dandelion bouquets, stick figure drawings, and made up melodies. They can also try our patience with potty training accidents, temper tantrums, and endless whining. (No, you may NOT have a treat until you eat your dinner!)
One thing is certain, however. They are our little ones, and the time we have with them is fleeting. My oldest started kindergarten this year, can you believe that? Wasn't I just nursing that sweet little angel all through the night? And now she's in kindergarten??
So rather than focus on the things we wish we could change about motherhood (whether in ourselves or in our children), I suggest that we focus on what is good about it. What are the things you love doing with your children? What songs do you love to sing with them? What stories do you love to read to them? What games do you like to play together? Take time this month to remember the blessings your children bring into your life. Take time to enjoy them for what they are-- children of God.
In General Conference October 2010 President Thomas S. Monson said this, "We can lift ourselves and others as well when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude." Think of the force for good we can be as mothers in this world if we will embrace our motherhood and our children.

Anniversary

The 4th of July kind of marks my anniversary in the world of crafting. Last year I had a little help and made these pillow case dresses for my girls for the 4th. When I saw how easy and fun sewing could be, I was hooked.

I'm posting this because it's fun for me to see how far I've come in just a year, and to realize how far I have to go. Crafting shouldn't be something on your "To Do" list, something that you dread. It should be something that is fun and somewhat relaxing. It should be something that excites and inspires you.

I truly believe that everybody's got their somethin' (wish I knew which movie that's from, since I'm always quoting it). Maybe for you it's not sewing, spray painting, or repurposing like it is for me. Maybe it's cooking, or writing, or photography. Maybe it's sports or nature or bungee jumping. Whatever it is, if it's something that makes your heart happy then you should do it. There are a lot of demands on our time as women and mothers, but we need to make time to develop our talents and fill our wells. We'll be better for it. And maybe, just maybe, the world will be cuter (or tastier or more adrenaline filled or whatever) for it too.

My One Little Word

I was inspired by Callie at Make It Do. She talks about choosing one little word as your theme for the year. This makes so much sense to me, in a way that setting New Year's Resolutions like losing 15 pounds, does not. Pick one word that epitomizes what you hope to do, be, achieve in the next year. Let that word guide you throughout the year, let it influence your attitude and decisions, let it become part of who you are. I love the idea.

My one little word for 2010 is Rejoice. There is much in life to be grateful for, yet I spend an unnecessary amount of time feeling underappreciated, mistreated, or just plain grouchy. I choose to change that aspect of my life, to become a more joyful and positive person. I choose to Rejoice.

I Rejoice in my family. They are not perfect. They make more messes than I can comprehend. They whine, cry, fight, pout, etc. But they are MINE and I love them. The children are at such a special place in life right now. Childhood is a magical time, and it needs to be treated as such. I need to find joy in my daughters' games of pretend and endless questions. I need to rejoice in the stage we are in right now.

I Rejoice in my husband. He is so kind and good to me. He puts my needs and the needs of our family ahead of his own in every way. He does all the "man" jobs around the house, takes care of the girls, trains the puppy, and even does the dishes. He is the best!

I Rejoice in the Gospel. How lucky I am to know I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and hears my prayers. How lucky I am to have a Savior who has atoned for my sins and felt my every pain. How lucky I am to have been sealed in the temple and have the promise of eternal family. How lucky I am for prophets to guide us in these latter days.

I Rejoice in my home, city, country, and the freedoms I enjoy. I Rejoice in yummy food and cozy beds. I Rejoice in friendships that have lasted years, and for friendships that are just beginning. I Rejoice in my wonderful parents and extended family/in-laws. I Rejoice in education, creativity, and hard work.

Rejoice! In the words of President Hinckley "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."